By: Thomas F. Booher
1.) Mom and Dad have to resist their own carnal desires first and foremost. If they live and lead by example, practice what they preach, and repent when they fail, the kids will learn by example.
2.) God has given parents responsibilities, especially the father as head of the home, to not provoke their children to wrath but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord, Eph. 6:4.
3.) Moms, especially while the children are younger, should be the primary nurturer of the children. Ideally, mom is at home with young children (this is essentially commanded in Scripture, Titus 2:4-5), dad is working to provide, and so mom must lead by example, but also in Bible study/memorization, and catechizing in Bible doctrine.
What does it mean to catechize? It is simply a question and answer format to learn the Christian faith. We do this with all 7 of our children. They start answering basic questions like "Who made you?" Answer: "God made me!" before they are even a year old. Believe it or not, public schools in this nation used to actually use catechisms to train children in Christian doctrine. But this responsibility always falls first and foremost on the parents, not the school or even the church.
4.) Which leads to my next point. Don't expect even a Christian school or Church to replace your essential duties to your children. Fathers, not pastors or teachers, are to bring their own children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. If fathers are not spending time with their children for these purposes, and for other life skills and fun times, how will the children learn that God the Father loves them, disciplines them, and enjoys them? I am a pastor and have taught in Christian schools, and the ache for godly parents, the "father hunger" as it has been called, is real. Teachers and Pastors, helpful as they can be, cannot replace fathers and mothers. Moms, nurture your children in the home, no one can replace what you do with your children in their tender youth.
5.) Emphasize that God made us in His image, and that Gen. 1:27 is clear that "in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." Don't merely teach this in a negative sense, such as, "see kids, there's only two genders, not 500 like all these weirdoes say", but show them the goodness of being a man in the image of God, or a woman made in the image of God. Positively reinforce that it is good to be male, it is good to be female, and therefore glorious for boys to be masculine, and girls to be feminine. Relate this to how boys and girls each uniquely bear the image of God in ways that the other cannot, and they will embrace and lean into their God-given sex, seeing it is what they were created for and is glorious and good.
Also point your children to Ephesians 5 and how the man/husband represents Christ, and the woman/wife the pure Church, in marriage. Of course, mom and dad, you have to model faithfulness in your marriage, the man leading in love and the wife submitting in respect, and we will all surely fall short and need to confess that to God and our children as well.
6.) Some practical things: The internet is a dangerous place, especially for children. Scripture says bad company corrupts good morals, and today the company of children, sadly, is more often whatever pops up on their phones, even more than real flesh and blood children/playmates. Parents abdicate their duties by giving their young children a phone all day, opening up YouTube for them, usually to watch something mindless and mind numbing. Of course, the algorithms on YouTube, with each video automatically loading and the wicked commercials that pop up, will lead your kids to places I sure hope you don't want them to go. The same applies to video games, etc. Limit screen time, and always supervise it. If you are too lazy to do that, then repent and get off of your own phone or game or whatever you are distracted with. Give them good books to read if they are old enough, or read good things to them. At the least, give them something quality and educational to watch.
Also, get your kids outside, have them dig in the soil and grow a garden with you, learn some basic skills. Fathers, throw the ball with your kids and teach them some basic things around the house and yard. Give your children responsibilities, chores, which will be harder at first as you have to train and discipline them and rebuke their whining, but in time will not only pay off for you, but pay off for your children, as they learn to do things well and persevere when they fail. If they do not learn these things while under your care, they will be setup for failure and sin and fall prey to the victim mentality and culture of this wicked, woke world.
7.) Bring your children to church, and take them to a faithful, Bible believing and practicing church. So many churches today are shallow at best, teaching error often. Kids are whisked away for play time when the service starts, and parents have no expectation that their children can learn from the main service, or that they ought to teach their children to focus, sit still, and worship the Lord. While there may be a place for a nursery, and certainly a place for mothers to take their babies to nurse or fathers to discipline disobedient children, the Scriptural pattern shows that children remain in the worship service, to worship the Lord in His holy presence and learn to serve the Lord, Deut. 31:12-13. Of course, if your church is just doing entertaining things rather than preaching the Word and praising the Lord according to His Word, then you need to find a faithful church. Ideally, your church really is like a family, and your children's best friends are other children in your own, Bible-believing and teaching Church.
8.) Finally, and certainly not least, pray. Pray for your children, for their salvation, sanctification, and perseverance in the faith. Pray that you would persevere in raising them to serve the Lord. Pray trusting the Lord, that He is the covenant Lord who is faithful and merciful to the thousandth generation to those who love and keep His commandments, Ex. 20:6
It goes without saying that we cannot do these things without the body of Christ. While parents are irreplaceable as parents, Grandparents, other friends and family, and especially the Church to which you belong are necessary, as the body of Christ bears one another's burdens, encourages one another, and when necessary corrects and lovingly rebukes one another as well.
You may have messed up with your kids. The best thing to do is repent, confess, and correct immediately, as much as you can, even if the kids are now teenagers. If your kids are still young, but you're a dual income family and don't know how mom can quit her job, remember these verses: "Better a little with righteousness than great gain with injustice" (Prov. 16:8) and "Better is a dry morsel with quietness, Than a house full of feasting with strife" (Proverbs 17:1). I grew up in a mobile home, and after married lived in one for a while, but it was worth it. My mom was home with me, and my wife has been home with the kids. God has blessed us now with a nice house as well. But who cares if you have a nice, two story house if the actual "home"/family is falling apart?
The breakdown of the family in general, and the Christian family in particular, is what has led to where we are today in this nation, and across the world. But if God would grant us repentance, if we would loathe and grieve our sins and failures, especially in these areas, and live for the Lord, raising our children for the Lord, as man and woman, husband and wife in Christ, you would see true reformation in the churches and likely eventual revival among the unbelievers. Conversely, if we cannot even love one another in our own Christian families, and do the basic duties that pagans of yesteryear showed to their families, then we cannot expect any real reformation or true revival in our churches and land, only that which is drummed up and fabricated, and there is certainly plenty of that in our churches and nation.
If you are looking for a church that strives to practice these things and raise our children to serve the Lord and resist the wickedness and depravity rampant in Sanford and our nation today, come check us out: https://www.heritagereformedchurch.com/
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