Counsel for Women/Wives/Mothers

 Counsel for Women/Wives/Mothers:

1.      First, remember your ultimate authority is God Himself, and that is mediated to you by the head of your household, which is to be your father while young/unmarried, but particularly your husband, whose name you take upon yourself. I Cor. 11:3, "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God."

2.      Marriage is normative, and should be pursued. But do not marry an ungodly or foolish man. Marry in the Lord, so you are loved as Christ loves the Church, and are more eagerly able to submit to your husband as to the Lord.

3.      Husbands, as head in the home as Christ is head of the Church, are to lovingly rule over their family "in everything" by leading their families as ministers in their home, giving them God's Word, leading by godly example, being strong, protecting and providing, etc. (Eph. 5:22-6:4).

4.      And yet, your husband’s mission and calling is something you enter into, as a helper/helpmeet, Gen. 2:18-20. Men literally cannot fulfill their calling without marrying and becoming one flesh with you, as wife, to be fruitful and multiply, to have a home and land to develop and take dominion over in love for God’s glory.

5.      You were not an afterthought in creation, but the necessary completion to creation for God’s purposes and man’s mission to take dominion and spread God’s glory over creation. Your position and calling is glorious, and it is to your husband, to be a necessary helper to him and his glorious work. You and your husband work together, he as your head, and you as his devoted bride and helpmeet.

6.      You represent the Church in its devotion, service, and purity to Christ within your marriage. As you submit to the Lord, so you are to submit to your own husbands, for your husband does represent Christ in the home, to you and your children. As Christ is the head of the church and Savior of the body, so your husband is your head and “savior” of you, the body, in protecting and providing for you in the home. As the church is subject to Christ in all things, the wives as well are to be subject to their own husbands “in everything” (Eph. 5:24).

7.      Particularly, your husband is to lead and guide you in God’s Word, as well as the children. You will assist in this with the children especially, but I Cor. 14:34-35 even says, “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.”

8.      Not only does this show that husbands are to lead their wives doctrinally and in lived example, but wives are to submit to their husbands in leading them in word/doctrine. When husband and wife disagree on doctrinal matters, on God and His Word, that is going to make for a difficult marriage. If you cannot agree on who God is and what He says to do, you will not agree on who you are as man and woman/husband and wife and what you are to do as such.  

9.      The husband has a duty to teach his wife, and the wife has the duty to learn and listen to her husband, even as she would listen to her pastor in church, but in some ways even more than her pastor. For she is to not speak in church, and if she has a question, the first person she should generally go to is her husband, not her pastor, even in doctrinal matters.

10.  There is a real sense in which the pastor is preaching to whole families, but keeping in view that husbands are heads and pastors in their home. Fathers/husbands learn from their pastors, and take what they learn to further teach the word to their families, wife and children, in the home. This obviously does not mean women can never ask their pastor a question, but they should not go “over their head”, which is quite literally their husband.  

11.  Of course, just as your husband is not sinless and a perfect representative of Christ, you are not a perfect representative of the pure, devoted, sinless Church. Yet as the man is called to picture Christ in His leadership and perfection, you are to picture the Church in submission and devotion to your husband. You are one flesh with your husband, even as Christ has entered into a “one flesh” relationship with His Church, such that He is the head, and we are His body/bride, Eph. 5:30-32.

12.  This is why in Eph. 5:33, we see that the husband must focus on truly loving his wife, as Christ sacrificially loves His bride, the Church; likewise, the wife must respect her husband. Respect shows true devotion that you are to have to your husband, even when he is not loving you perfectly, which he never will, even as you will never submit to and respect him perfectly.

13.  The word “respect” is phobia, which we know in English refers to fear. We are to fear the Lord, have a reverence and awe and respect for Him. This is how the word is being used in Eph. 5:33, in regards to wives respecting/reverencing their husbands. The KJV rightly translates this “the wife see that she reverence her husband”.

14.  Reverence, honor, fear/respect is given to those in authority over you. Your husband does have authority over you, especially in the home, and he is to be Christ to you. When your husband sins or commands you to sin, you must obey God rather than man, even your husband, but otherwise, even if you do not like it or disagree with what he is advocating, you must obey/submit yourself to the headship of your husband.

15.  Even as we plead with the Lord in prayer according to His word, with respect, wives can and should also plead with their husbands when the situation calls for it. And because husbands are not perfect and all-knowing, etc., wives may inform their husbands, help their husbands, and even give their thoughts and counsel to their husbands.

16.  But, wives must do this not as a competing head, forming a two-headed monstrosity in the home, but as a faithful, devoted, respectful wife. If you would not speak to God in such a way, then do not speak to your husband in that way either. This is hard, because you know your husband is a sinner, yet remember you, too, are a sinner, and your husband has to bear with you.

17.  Remembering that you are made in God’s image as female, you are feminine, and are to live in accordance with your femininity. As woman was made from the man and for the man, she is not to teach or have authority over men (I Cor. 11:8-9; 1 Tim. 2:8-15). In 1 Tim. 2:9-10, women are to adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, for that is not proper for women professing godliness with good works.  

18.  1 Peter 3 is even stronger, saying wives are to submit to their husbands, even those who are unbelievers, so that you, without a word, may win your husband to the Lord by your chaste conduct, by fear/respect for your husband, and further, your adornment is not on externals but the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

19.  Peter commends the godly women of former times, in the Old Testament, such as Sarah obeying Abraham and calling him lord, and says to be a true daughter of Abraham (and Sarah) if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Do not listen to the feminist lies, even pastors or women in the church who tell them, that submission to your husband is different now that Christ has come. The New Testament teaches the same as the Old on this, and gives the example of Sarah’s submission to Abraham. To be Christ’s child, you must be Abraham’s daughter, and to be such, you must submit like Sarah did to Abraham.  

20.  Titus 2 and Proverbs 31 are key passages for women/mothers. And remember, all these commands in Scripture flow from the nature of women as made in God’s image as feminine, as females, as helpmeets to men/their husbands in particular. Titus 2:3-5 shows this is to be multi-generational; older women are to be reverent still in their behavior, not slanderers, not drunkards, but teachers of younger women, teaching femininity and the domestic arts.

21.  Older women are to “admonish” the younger women to love their husbands and children. This presupposes that you will marry and bear children, and love them well in the home. Titus 2:5 says you are to be “keepers at home”, obedient to your husbands, etc., and if you are not, you are blaspheming God’s Word.

22.  Proverbs 31:10-31 gives a beautiful description of a godly woman who weaves all these feminine qualities together. Note that as a godly, virtuous wife, you are worth your weight in gold! In fact, Proverbs says your worth is “far above rubies”. Your husband’s heart trusts you completely, knowing you will beautify the home and love him and the children well.

23.  You are willing to work with your hands, gathering food, weaving clothing, rising early to prepare breakfast, purchasing land for the family, running and operating a vineyard for profit for your family! So, women are not forbidden from being in business, but notice the business is for the home, her husband and children, not for some corporate boss.

24.  The virtuous woman sells her merchandise and labors to make things that others desire. From her abundance that she produces, she has enough to give to the poor and needy, and is generous to help them. She prepares for winter and clothes her family in warmth that she has woven by her own hands, of quality and beauty, purple, a sign of luxury/royalty. Obviously if she is selling such, she can buy such, and this isn’t a strict command to never purchase products from the store, but it does commend women making things for family.

25.  This even distinguishes her husband from other men/elders in the land. She is strong, honorable, wise. Yes, she speaks with wisdom, but with the “law of kindness” as is keeping with the feminine nature God has made her in, to reflect His kindness and tenderness.

26.  The results of such a godly, virtuous, feminine, hard working woman, is that her children rise up and call her blessed, and so does her husband. Even as Christ delights in His Church/body/bride’s devotion and diligence in serving Him, so a good and godly husband will praise you and delight in you as you serve him and your children, in all love and respect, for God’s glory.

27.  Prv. 30:10 describes all this as a woman who fears the Lord, and will surely be praised for it, and will be blessed by the fruit of her own labors, and her works will praise her within the gates of the city. You are not to be out of sight and out of mind if you work hard in the home, but your work and labors for the home will extend beyond the walls of the home, which will well adorn your whole family, and bring in honor and praise to your hard work and devotion.

28.  But if you are not devoted to your husband as head and your children as your charge as mother, you will not receive this praise. If you are focused on what Prov. 30:30 says is passing and fleeting, “deceitful charm and fading beauty”, being a seductress, you will not be praised but bring yourself and your family to ruin, and perhaps other families as well with your adulterous behavior. So serve the Lord in the home for your family, and God will see to it that your diligent labor for your family is praised by them, and by others.