Marriage for Christian Singles Approaching 30 (or older)

Genesis 1:26-28, "Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

I Cor. 7:9, "but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

Hebrews 13:4, "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge."

If you are a Christian single on the wrong side of 30, or if you are a woman approaching 30 and are realizing time is running out for you to be a mother, you need to inject these Bible verses into your bloodstream. 

You were made in God's image male or female, for the purpose of glorifying God and enjoying Him forever by taking dominion over His creation for His name's sake. This cannot be effectively done apart from marriage, apart from the family unit of husband, wife, and child. If there is no fruitfulness and multiplication, you will likely come to old age as you lived in your youth -- alone, unloved, unloving, increasingly bitter, full of unbridled lusts, and generally unrooted and incapable of taking dominion for the glory of God. 

The Church has misled by confusing our union with Christ with the union between man and woman. Yes, man and woman in marriage pictures Christ and the Church, but Christ provides for us through means -- not only Church, worship, Bible reading, and prayer, but family, friends, fellowship, and especially marriage and children. A Church is a collection of Christian families, or at least it is meant to be. If that is not what we see today, it is because we have abandoned marriage, children, and raising them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Deut. 6, Eph. 6:1-4). God covenants with households and Christ has earned an inheritance of nations. Abraham was given his name because he would be the father of many nations. Nations are comprised of families, of many generations being fruitful and multiplying down through the ages.

You may have baggage even if you think you should seek marriage to a Christian spouse and bear children. Own that you have not exercised self-control, have burned with passion, have acted on your sinful lusts, repent of it, confess it, then know the forgiveness Christ gives. Then ask the Lord to bless you with a godly spouse, and first that He would make you a more godly man or woman in order to be a faithful spouse yourself. 

This of course requires knowing what it means to be a man if you are a man, and a woman if you are a woman. Again, our culture and churches are largely clueless here. 

Genesis 2:18-24, "And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

And Adam said:

“This is now bone of my bones

And flesh of my flesh;

She shall be called Woman,

Because she was taken out of Man.”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

I Corinthians 11:3, 7-9, "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.... For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man." 

God has designed man for headship and leadership, and woman to be that necessary helpmeet, child-bearer, and homemaker to and for her husband, which is her glorious service to both her husband and to God, Titus 2:3-5, 

"the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things—  that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." 

The husband picturing Christ must lead well in righteousness, and the wife picturing the Church must submit well in humility and holiness. If you do not believe these things, repent. They are plain in Scripture. If you do believe these things, then get married to a fellow Christian of like convictions and find happiness and holiness, gladness and glory in the Lord. 

It really is that simple. If you are petty in your sin, creating stupid and unreachable standards of beauty, personality, finances, etc., you'll remain lonely and unfaithful to God in your duty to marry and form a Christian household. You probably don't meet the absurd standards you are foisting upon others. Life is not about mountaintop experiences, traveling the world, luxury and ease. It is hard work in the formation of a family, within the context of a godly Christian community (a faithful church with faithful Eldership). This is the nature of the Kingdom of God, and the Gospel is the good news of this kingdom. If you do not love these things and desire them, how can you say you are a Christian, born again into God's kingdom? 

The good news is there are other single Christians your age whom God is moving in their hearts to believe and embrace these glorious truths as well. You may not think so, but He is. He will not give you a desire and passion for marriage, and forever leave you in a state of singleness. You must pray for a spouse, but also pursue one righteously. God willing you can find that in your local church, but if you are in an unfaithful or barren church, it is likely time to uproot and find a faithful one, even if that requires moving. Christian dating apps that are actually faithful/biblical and committed to the true purpose of man, woman, marriage, and family, are also a viable option. 

Let me close by being as pointed and urgent as possible, because I love you and want to see you serving the Lord in the bounds of a glorious and joyous marriage, with precious covenant children that you are raising for the Lord -- More important even than a faithful church, over the long term, is finding a faithful spouse. I would not trade my wife and children for a good church, if I could only have one or the other. I would take my wife and children, and figure things out in a bad church, likely by forming my own. But a godly wife is precious and far above the worth of rubies, and Proverbs 31:10ff. shows the glory of the wife and the family at large, how dominion is taken together, and God is glorified above all: 

Who can find a virtuous wife?

For her worth is far above rubies.

The heart of her husband safely trusts her;

So he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax,

And willingly works with her hands.

She is like the merchant ships,

She brings her food from afar.

She also rises while it is yet night,

And provides food for her household,

And a portion for her maidservants.

She considers a field and buys it;

From her profits she plants a vineyard.

She girds herself with strength,

And strengthens her arms.

She perceives that her merchandise is good,

And her lamp does not go out by night.

She stretches out her hands to the distaff,

And her hand holds the spindle.

She extends her hand to the poor,

Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of snow for her household,

For all her household is clothed with scarlet.

She makes tapestry for herself;

Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates,

When he sits among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them,

And supplies sashes for the merchants.

Strength and honor are her clothing;

She shall rejoice in time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

And on her tongue is the law of kindness.

She watches over the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her blessed;

Her husband also, and he praises her:

“Many daughters have done well,

But you excel them all.”

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,

But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands,

And let her own works praise her in the gates.