Having a faithful spouse, children, and church are three pillars without which we cannot flourish.
A wicked government can hinder all three of these, or destroy them. But in truth, we have destroyed these from the inside out.
Our sin, our apathy, our ignorance and false teaching telling us these things are "idols" or "unimportant" or that all we need is me, myself, and my Bible at home are lies straight from the pit of hell.
You cannot be fruitful and multiply, you cannot rule and subdue, and you cannot be part of Christ's kingdom without a spouse, children, and a church. All three of these need to be rooted in reality and God's Word, otherwise they will be like a house without a firm foundation, which is dangerous and self-destructive.
Christ says to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and He will take care of our daily needs of food, shelter, and clothing.
So what does it look like to seek first God's kingdom and righteousness? For men in particular, the vast majority will need to seek out a godly wife, have children to raise in God's covenant and family of faith, and to do this in the bounds of a faithful church with other faithful families likewise seeking first God's kingdom and righteousness.
Your job security, your 401K, your bank account, your retirement plan can and should perish, if necessary, to maximize family, church, and community. But as you pursue what God says to pursue first, He will provide for you in these ways as well, giving you wisdom, diligence, gifts, and all the rest.
This is a common sense, natural truth that we have lost, in part because the church has denigrated the family, the covenant, and rootedness to community, in favor of private, narrow piety of being alone with God, having a few Bible verses, and maybe taking that narrow piety into church on Sundays to confirm our own individualistic errors.
Of course, if you don't preach on the family, God's covenant mercies from generation to generation, and encourage young folks to pursue marriage, family, and promise to help them and their children grow in the knowledge and holiness of the Lord, guess what? They are going to leave, or to be adrift and confused, or foolish and incapable of discerning right from wrong. They will either delay marriage, enter into bad marriages and be ill-prepared for marriage themselves, and then perpetuate those problems on to their children.
I know that in many Reformed and Presbyterian Churches, there aren't young people present to marry in the smaller churches. The larger churches usually get larger because they have softened on God's Word, and the young folks there are often feminists to one degree or another. Of course, do recognize that denigrating the family, thinking light of it, and turning to individualistic, lifelong piety is itself a feminist impulse.
So those in their late teens and 20's, and especially those still unmarried into their 30's, have either given up on the idea of family and children, or even a sound church with other young people and families their age, or they have decided to comfort themselves by saying these things are not that important after all.
It should go without saying that all children born out of wedlock is sin, that all children born to pagans are born outside of God's gracious covenant, and that all communities formed from a broken foundation of orphaned children are doomed to destruction under God's judgment, and create a miserable, hellish place to live. It is not at all seeking first God's kingdom and His righteousness. That's what we see in large measure in our churches, communities, and our nation today.
But Christ came with the support of John the Baptist before Him, with the ground smoothed out, such that "the hearts of the fathers" were turned back to their children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, Luke 1:17. Even those who do have children today, are often taught to undervalue them, to not labor to teach them diligently, and to not expect God's gracious covenant promises of salvation to be realized within them. This is a sin, and a shame! I do see rumblings, from pastors and Christians in the church, and even those outside of it, who are waking up and recognizing the basic reality and necessity of strong, intact, Christian families, churches, and communities.
Spouse and children in the bonds of a faithful Christian church and community is desperately needed. If you pray for it and seek it, if you keep asking, seeking, and knocking, the Lord will provide. But you must truly pray for and pursue these things righteously, which will look somewhat different whether you are a man or woman, your age and exact circumstances, etc. Trust the Lord, be wise, get godly counsel, and He will provide. Do not be afraid to take a big "risk" to get these things. It is pleasing to the Lord, and without them, you will likely be languishing, stalling out, and unfulfilled. One of our problems is we pursue these things sincerely, yet in a sort of "Bible proof-text" manner, or a "one size fits all" way. Each situation is different, and that is where you must cultivate wisdom drawn from God's Word and the facts around you to determine how to pursue these things to the best of your abilities.
At the same time, if you are pursuing these things in prayer and action, with wisdom, and God has not yet answered your prayers and blessed your actions yet, keep on going, be patient, and trust in the Lord, with joy, knowing He has framed your heart and mind to pursue these righteous ends for His glory and kingdom, and in due time He will grant these righteous pursuits for your good.
But be sober-minded and clear-eyed about these matters. You may have to move to get these things. You will have to have some hard conversations, maybe some career changes, to receive these blessings. You may lose friendships. You may have a promising situation that turns out to fall flat, and in the end you will be thankful you didn't marry that person or join that church or take that job or live in that area, etc.
The challenge is when so many are unsure of what to do, and are not in a context or situation where they can get much help in person. Their own family, perhaps, is broken and confused. Their own churches and pastors and friends, perhaps well meaning, are not well-informed or helpful on these matters, or simply are too old to understand the situation "on the ground" these days. Or perhaps, it's simply a situation unsuitable for you. Or, on the other hand, you need to make some tweaks, keep praying, and pursue harder.
Again, keep praying, keep studying, keep pursuing and pleading with the Lord, and be willing to go all out to get what God calls you to pursue for His glory. You may be rejected, you may be seen as crazy, but if in the end you are married, have children, and have a faithful church with other families serving the Lord and supporting one another, who cares? Be bold and faithful, and the Lord will surely provide.
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